A journey with grief
Darkness falls
A River Permanently in Flood
They say let it out
But the pain is still there
Like a river
Permanently in flood
But the pain is still there
Like a river
Permanently in flood
Turbulent rapids
Where once was peace and stillness
Familiar landscapes
made strange and frightening
By my rising river of my tears.
Where once was peace and stillness
Familiar landscapes
made strange and frightening
By my rising river of my tears.
They offer comfort
But I want to warn them
Get away
before my tears engulf you too.
It is not safe here anymore
But I want to warn them
Get away
before my tears engulf you too.
It is not safe here anymore
Life and death
Beyond the Gate
Death is a gate
Or so they say,
Just a gate to another
Way of being.
Or so they say,
Just a gate to another
Way of being.
That is fine in the abstract,
But not when someone you love
Has passed through that gate
To what lies beyond.
But not when someone you love
Has passed through that gate
To what lies beyond.
What is behind the gate?
I need to know.
Is it bliss? Is it paradise?
Is it a spiritual existence
Where you’ve lost your identity?
Or is it simply an abyss?
I need to know.
Is it bliss? Is it paradise?
Is it a spiritual existence
Where you’ve lost your identity?
Or is it simply an abyss?
You used to say
‘Text me when you get home.’
And I would laugh,
‘I drive this road every day.’
‘I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you,’
Is what you would reply.
‘Text me when you get home.’
And I would laugh,
‘I drive this road every day.’
‘I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you,’
Is what you would reply.
And how do I bear it?
Now that something has happened to you.
How do I live with the lack of knowledge,
Not knowing where you are.
Now that something has happened to you.
How do I live with the lack of knowledge,
Not knowing where you are.
All I can do is stare at the gate,
Whispering to the great unknown,
‘Text me when you’re home,
So I know that you are safe.’
Whispering to the great unknown,
‘Text me when you’re home,
So I know that you are safe.’
Time is fleeting
The Lord Giveth and the Lord Taketh Away
You don’t know what you’ve got
Until it’s gone,
Or so they say.
Until it’s gone,
Or so they say.
I was never guilty of that.
I used to drive to work each morning
Thanking God for all my blessings.
At almost 50,
The world had never seemed more beautiful.
‘I love my life’
Was the mantra of my days
And joy my constant companion.
Thanking God for all my blessings.
At almost 50,
The world had never seemed more beautiful.
‘I love my life’
Was the mantra of my days
And joy my constant companion.
What I was guilty of
Was thinking it would last forever
Or at least longer than it did.
Was thinking it would last forever
Or at least longer than it did.
The scriptures tell us
‘The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away’
I will always be thankful for the giving part
But why, oh why, Lord, did you have to taketh so soon?
‘The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away’
I will always be thankful for the giving part
But why, oh why, Lord, did you have to taketh so soon?
Missing You
We’ll talk
‘That’s the best conversation I’ve had in years’
You said the day I met you,
‘Perhaps ever’
You said the day I met you,
‘Perhaps ever’
So conversation turned into something more
But still we talked
Long conversations on the phone
Sometimes for over an hour,
Conversations surrounded by friends
When it felt like it was us alone,
Conversations lying in bed,
Our desire to talk overriding our need for sleep.
But still we talked
Long conversations on the phone
Sometimes for over an hour,
Conversations surrounded by friends
When it felt like it was us alone,
Conversations lying in bed,
Our desire to talk overriding our need for sleep.
‘We’ll talk,’ you said. ‘We do that best’
‘You talk but you don’t listen,’
I said the last time I saw you.
And so the wind carried your words away.
‘You talk but you don’t listen,’
I said the last time I saw you.
And so the wind carried your words away.
You said I was a good listener
And so I listen
Carefully
Longingly
Lovingly.
But there is only silence.
And so I listen
Carefully
Longingly
Lovingly.
But there is only silence.
And how I long for just one more word,
Even if it’s only ‘goodbye’.
Even if it’s only ‘goodbye’.
Searching for signs
Shadows and Reflections
Shadows of the past
And reflections of my love
Are all I see of you now.
And reflections of my love
Are all I see of you now.
Shadows and reflections
Flickering in and out of frame
Like some photographer’s nightmare
Where the subject is there
But never quite comes into focus.
Flickering in and out of frame
Like some photographer’s nightmare
Where the subject is there
But never quite comes into focus.
But still I search for you
Trying to capture
Those shadows and reflections
From every conceivable setting and angle
Hoping to reveal something
Not visible to the naked eye.
Trying to capture
Those shadows and reflections
From every conceivable setting and angle
Hoping to reveal something
Not visible to the naked eye.
Glimpses of hope
I’m fine
That simple question, ‘How are you?’
Does not scare me like it used to.
Sometimes I can reply, ‘I’m fine’
Sometimes I can even believe it.
Does not scare me like it used to.
Sometimes I can reply, ‘I’m fine’
Sometimes I can even believe it.
Your constant presence in my mind
Is almost reassurring now
Like an imaginary friend
That only I can see.
Sometimes I find myself smiling
At a joke only heard in my head.
Is almost reassurring now
Like an imaginary friend
That only I can see.
Sometimes I find myself smiling
At a joke only heard in my head.
The memories don’t crush me now.
They can be remembered with joy,
Albeit tinged with sadness
At how brief our time together was.
How very brief.
Far too brief.
They can be remembered with joy,
Albeit tinged with sadness
At how brief our time together was.
How very brief.
Far too brief.
And then a thought
A memory
A word
A song
A memory
A word
A song
And I come spiralling down
down
down
Into the land of
choking sobs and heartbroken wails
Down so far
The white rabbit can’t find me
And I fear I will never return.
down
down
Into the land of
choking sobs and heartbroken wails
Down so far
The white rabbit can’t find me
And I fear I will never return.
But then someone says
‘How are you?’
And I smile and say, ‘I’m fine’
And sometimes I even believe it.
‘How are you?’
And I smile and say, ‘I’m fine’
And sometimes I even believe it.
